To Love Is To Destroy
by Lena Criss
Summary: Japril one-shot set at 10x13. How should you react when the guy you actually love interrupts your wedding? And how should you tell your groom and wedding guests how you really feel?


**Merry Christmas, guys!  
So yeah, I decided to write how April could react to Jackson's love declaration :)**  
**Hope you guys like it and have happy holidays!**  
**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: Grey's isn't mine, I'm just playing with its characters ;-)**

* * *

_"Do you?"_

April still looked at him in shock. No, no, no, no, this wasn't happening right _now_, wasn't it? He didn't just stand up and told her that he loved her, that he always had. _No, no, no, no..._

She turned her head left and saw Matthew's face. He was pale, but his ears and cheeks turned slowly scarlet. Then, she looked back at Jackson, his eyes still turned to her. He felt like he was about to throw up every second and cold sweat was running down his back. The whole time he asked himself again and again _what's got into you?_

It was deadly silent until Stephanie got up and left the building, not looking at him. April was finally able to exhale, but suddenly rage came over her. She felt her fists clenching and the tears coming up. Why was he telling her now that he loved her? Why now? Matthew still stared at her, but then walked past the reverend to the lake behind the barn. April shot Jackson a gaze which meant that he should stay where the hell he was,knowing that he would stand there waiting for her anyway. The bride took the front side of her bridal dress in her hands and chased after her groom.  
Jackson still stood on his spot, everyone was looking at him or at April running after Matthew. His breathing fastened because of the strong nausea and the gross feeling coming up his throat.

"Okay, everyone leaves this barn right now!" Jackson heard Alex calling from far, far away.

Nobody moved until the bridesmaids also yelled that everyone should leave. Jackson didn't move and his gaze was still fixed on April who now had approached Matthew.

"Matthew, wait!"

He turned around, his face scarlet and angry, but also utterly hurt.

"You still love him, don't you?" was all he said, but he didn't let April answer, he continued: "You didn't stop him during his declaration! If you'd only love me you'd have told him to stop, but you didn't. And this is why I assume that you're still in love with him. So, April, am I right?"

April looked shocked at him and a single tear escaped her eye. He was right, she still loved Jackson.

"I wish it weren't true, but yes I still have strong feelings for him. Too strong. And I'm sorry that...that I hurt..."

"Hurt me? Really? Why didn't you just left me at the altar? Then I would have known for sure that you don't love me. But good that I know now, that you don't love me, would have been crappy if you had to pretend that you love me for the rest of your life, wouldn't it?"

"That is not true, Matthew! I love you...but...in a different way -"

"This is ridiculous, April and you know that! Why can't you just admit that you loved him the whole time more than me? You can't destroy more than you two already have! I've got humiliated in front of all this people because you pretended!"

Now April was crying and answered:

"The truth is that I love Jackson like I should love you. You are perfect for me, even though I'm in love with the bad guy and I hate myself for this. But there's nothing I can do about it."

Matthew's face was still scarlet, when he said:

"But when I'm perfect for you, why do you love him? Because he's an Avery? Because he's a surgeon and I'm just a paramedic?"

Now April was becoming more and more furious, so she answered:

"That's not the reason! We've been through so much together and this welds together. This is why I love him."

"I'll call of this wedding. Why should I marry someone who's in love with someone who loves her back? But no, you know what? You should do this, because it's your fault."

Now April's cheeks turned red and she replied fiercely:

"How mature of you Matthew. I'm fine with taking the blame for my feelings for Jackson, but it's not my fault that Jackson decided to declare his love on this wedding."

Matthew turned around and his face had paled a little, but now it just looked deeply hurt. And April felt more and more responsible for it.

"You're right. But I'll just go and never come back."

And with these words he left the farm, leaving April alone next to the lake. Her heart was still hammering against her chest as if it wanted to escape. After a few minutes she was able to control her breath and heartbeat and decided to talk to Jackson. She went back to the now empty barn and stopped on the aisle to compose herself. Slowly, she walked down the aisle and approached her best friend who looked as if he was about to shit his pants. Tears had started to trail down her cheeks again and she looked up to him and smashed her fists in his tensed abs. With every punch she cursed at him with every insult possible, but Jackson didn't stop her, he deserved it. After a few minutes her arms started to hurt, so she lowered them to each side of her body. His eyes were still wide open and full of fear and that April had slammed her fists in his abdomen hadn't healed his nausea. He had fucked up royally.

April felt a huge knot breaking in her chest and suddenly she found herself kneeling on the floor, her palms in front of her eyes and bawling them out. Jackson felt like the last idiot by just standing there but he didn't knew what to do. Would it be right to embrace her now? Tell her that he was sorry? That he should have done this a looong time ago? What were you ought to do in a moment like this? But then, suddenly, he heard her saying his name. Just his name. And this finally made him to kneel down next to her and speak for the first time again:

"Do you still want me?"

April looked surprised at him and then replied hesitating and scarcely audible:

"And now I'm looking at you...,"she said, "and you're asking me if I still want you, as if I could stop loving you. As if I would give up the person that made me more confident than anyone else ever has. I belong to you completely, I still do. If you want me."

Jackson smiled softly and replied weak:

"Of course I do. Otherwise I wouldn't have made myself such a big fool in front of everybody. Yes, April Kepner, I still want you because I love you."

April started to laugh and she didn't know why. Maybe because this situation was so ironic, maybe because it sounded so unrealistic. Now, finally, they had confessed their love for each other. Jackson looked confused at her but then started to chuckle along with her.

"So what will we do now?"

"I'll have to call of the wedding. Matthew's gone and I'm the one left. It'll be totally awkward but...well, I'm a soldier."

"And...and what will we do?" Jackson asked and he shortly looked at the aisle. Of course, he loved April more than anything, but a wedding was definitely too soon, wasn't it? And they had to work things out first.

"Ehm...I think we'll leave the farm as soon as possible. And this dress is a little uncomfortable."

"Okay...but I have another idea. Here, take my hand," Jackson replied and stretched his hand out to help her up. When April stood he placed his hands on her hips and mumbled:

"Every bride should get a kiss on her wedding's day."

April laughed and twined her arms around his neck, pressed her lips against his and smiled against his mouth when she inhaled the familiar scent of him. They stood there for minutes where they forget what just had happened. A loud knock on the barn door ripped them apart and they tried to look as innocent as possible when the door opened a little bit, so Alex was able to slip in.

"Things are settled?"

They both nodded in agreement and smiled happily at their friend. Alex frowned and said:

"Oh come on! You two are making me regret the things I did for you. April, you should go out there, they're starting to get a little...ehm impatient."

"Okay, I'm on my way." April replied, but turned around to kiss Jackson a last time before she would walk out of the barn. It was short but so passionately, that Alex pleaded annoyed:

"Get a goddamn room, don't be gross."

"Says the one who was making out with his girlfriend outside on the wall," April chuckled and slipped through the door and said:

"Matthew left, they'll be no wedding. I mean, the reception and everything is paid, so enjoy it, it would be a waste if we throw it away. I'll be joining you, just give me a minute to get out of this dress."

* * *

"So you two are now together?" Alex inquired curiously and looked at his best friend.

"I guess?" Jackson replied and smiled brightly at the peds surgeon.

"Way to go, dude. I never dreamed that you would do something...weary of life, to be honest. But respect, man. Way to go!" He chuckled and patted the plastic surgeon on the shoulder.

April appeared in the doorframe and approached the two men saying:

"I called the wedding off and that they can go to the reception. I just want to change into another dress."

Alex nodded and left the two alone in the barn. April exhaled heavily and looked at Jackson. Her _boyfriend._ And suddenly the tears came up again and she twined her arms around his chest and he cupped the back of her head with his one hand and caressed her back with the other.

"I don't know why I'm crying, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, it's okay," Jackson soothingly whispered in her ear.

* * *

Jackson and April laid on the bed in their hotel room, her head resting on his bare chest. After the awkward reception and the rest of the party, they had decided to talk about their relationship.

"So what should we do now?" Jackson asked while he ran with his fingers through her red hair.

"I like it the way it is right now. Your chest is pretty comfortable. But no, I think we should take things slow. I don't want to rush into things like last time, you know?"

Jackson nodded, kissed her head and replied:

"Yeah, I agree. I think that your family doesn't like me that much, I mean I can't blame them."

"Oh, come on. I don't really care what they think about you, I love you and that is what matters," April declared and rested her chin on his chest and looked up to him. He smiled at her and replied: "I love you, too. What about sex? Do you want to wait?"

"Yes, I think so. What about you taking me out for a date first?"

"Okay, fine with me. Have you ever been to this awesome Chinese restaurant a few blocks away from the hospital?"

"No, but I'd love to...would you be okay with making out like horny teenagers anyway?" April asked shyly with her hand trailing down his chest.

"As if you have to ask me." He whispered hoarsely and put himself upright to kiss her. They both smiled and were just happy to be finally together. Jackson didn't regret telling her that he loved her, maybe the time hadn't been perfect, but all that mattered to him was that she was finally with him. And that she would be with him forever.

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**Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think about it! :)**


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